In our culture, when one of us takes a learner or Fledgling Vampyre under our wing, we try to teach them all they need to know to the best of our ability. While we call them Fledglings and Apprentices – and fondly refer to them as “Baby Bat” and other terms of endearment, they remain every bit as much real Vampyres as we are, with the same needs, the same problems and the same challenges. We as Mentors strive to pass on to them the material and the experiences we have learned for ourselves – the ways of our respective societies and cultures. We do this so that they are better able to fend for themselves in the world of the Shinai, and also among other Nightkind. One of the ways we help them to learn is to ask them to write about various topics relating to the VC and their nature, their thoughts and feelings about certain aspects. By this we gauge what they have learned, and what sort of individual they happen to be. Today I am proud to share an article written by my current Fledgling, Lunah Valur Eir. The topic given to her for her assignment was “How I Feel About Being A Vampyre and Dealing With The Hunger”.
Twas the night before Christmas… or at least the night before my awakening began anyways.
I had gone searching for something I knew couldn’t exist and found not only friends and home, and found myself as well.
It all started with an article that I had found online whilst researching, it was one written by Octarine Valur, explaining Vampyrism… Wait, what?!
This was it, this was what I had been searching for, my light at the end of the tunnel, the spark that lit my fire, the bolognaise to my spaghetti – I had to know more.
Now take into consideration, that I had no idea that I was vampyric and no clue that I was, in fact, going through my awakening. All I wanted was to know more about this world. This world that was so familiar, yet a complete stranger at the same time. I was scared but intrigued, timid but determined.
When I did awake, and what a rude awakening it was, from Mundane to full blown Vamp in two months flat, I tried to tell myself that I could do this the “Psi way”. So I tried feeding via trees, thunder storms and walking through malls and such. Even found out the hard way that a bar is not the greatest place to feed off ambient energy. But even though I was feeding, none of it satisfied me. It didn’t sustain me for a long enough period of time, and I found myself more and more hungry. Wanting, no, needing more.
So of course one goes looking for that which one needs. I found a donor willing to part with a little blood and a beautiful feeling followed. I was satisfied. Sated. The feeling of being
starving, scratch that, thirsty, scratch that, deprived, yes deprived, stripped of all that I am, my Lunah gone, had been restored.
I felt like myself again. I FELT LIKE MYSELF AGAIN! I could breathe again, like I haven’t in years. I felt like the deserts experiencing a rain storm.
All I had to do was keep this feeling by maintaining a sanguine diet, seems easy enough I had thought. A little something that proved very difficult.
Being a Vampyre has improved my life in so many ways. I found friends that are now closer than family. I found my Lady Regent, who became my Mentor and my solace. Home was now the Vampyre Community, love was now unconditional.
But even though every cloud has a silver lining, clouds still blocked out the sun.
I needed to feed again.
That’s what it always boils down to…. Feeding, the highs… Then feeling stripped again. You eventually don’t want to do it anymore, just not to feel the highs but have to go through those lows.
So I stopped.
Tried to rid myself of this specific need. Tried other methods of overcoming this deprivation. Meditation. I conjured, gave offerings and made deals with gods, just to make it go away. This didn’t work, of course. If hunger and thirst could be cured by meditation, famines wouldn’t exist, right? Neither would drought. It started affecting me, creeping into every corner of my Lunah, it seeped through, showing its ugly head in forms or depression, sadness, irritation and frustration, like a voice in my head, telling me I can check out any time I want – but I can never leave.
My Hotel California.
Matters did not improve; self-harming became a regular thing, much to the horror and concern of my partner. I started drinking copiously. Relationships and my job began to be affected due to lack of interest, lack of feeling and of course the fact that I was a constant bitch with a thorn in my paw.
I lost my zest for life and got to a point where I didn’t care. We all know that just as a swimmer must come up for air, so must a Sanguine feed. It is the answer. The remedy. It’s just up to us, within ourselves, to win the battle of balance rather than to wage a war of rejection against ourselves.