I am a self identified Psychic Vampire and Witch. This makes me a bit different from most people. As an empath and telepath I did what I have always done for I am well travelled and learnt to imitate others to fit in. I watch people lie to each other and themselves, smile when they want to scream and listen to them hate each other and their lives without comment.
“We carry ourselves with a proud determination and can seem arrogant, detached, and cold. We are often of a predatory nature, and with difficulty avoid using those around us. To most we seem unapproachable. There is an air about us which seems somehow to set us apart. Even those ignorant to our true natures react to this, treating us with respect, attraction or fear. The unawakened stare then look away from us and are unable to meet our gaze. They are disturbed by our presence but rarely will they understand what disturbed them or why. Instinctually, they fear us. The Awakened will know us for what we are, though they may hesitate to put a name to it. Still, on an unspoken level they will understand and attempt to define us through the filters of their individual beliefs and symbol systems.” – The Psychic Vampire Codex by Michelle Belanger.
I am writing this back in the part of South Africa where I struggled to ‘fit’ in for nearly 7 years and then left only 18 months ago. While here previously, I tried to earn a living, be part of the diverse community and raise my children here – and failed miserably on all counts. But as I hit the big 40 last year I realised that I had missed something. I had put down the insults and rudeness to the Afrikaans vs. English tribal clash that that I really am not part of. Why should I? I don’t care what my ancestors did to yours, I wasn’t there. I would be apologetic in my manner and try and be friendly to those that have this problem, but I know I failed miserably in this as well.
I was told by a friend some years ago to find some humility in my manner…ehhh? I am not arrogant; I feel your pain and respect your journey – but arrogance? This confused me. Since then, I have grown to understand more about who I am. I have a predatory nature and when hungry for energy will take it easily. As I ‘see’ who you are this is also a weapon and even the act of ‘seeing’ can be seen and felt like an aggressive attack.
The instinct of mundanes (shinai) when in the presence of someone different is not to be underestimated. Hence the past (and present) witch burnings and the present Occult Crime Unit. It is the ‘Other’ in me that they fear and I can deflect but not totally hide…and if honest, have stopped caring – for I am what I am and I now like it!
Since coming back here I also realise that my lack of confidence in myself and my “self-fear” was not really mine. As an empath, I must know where my emotions start and where yours begin or I will get lost in overwhelming emotion.
The herd, the mundanes; for yes, now I will show my arrogance in my abilities as a professional psychic. I will unconsciously try and pull apart anything different and are uncomfortable to even look me in the eyes. I can hear them scream inside on how they hate their lives, blaming each other, their parents, family, blacks, coloureds, English, government and mostly “God” – anything, rather than look within and see themselves. Is it arrogance not to want to fit in here with ‘normal’ life? Then call me arrogant.
For all the years I was here, I had no friends or people coming to visit. This is very sad, for I did open my heart to many and tried very hard to be ‘normal’. I know now I will never fit in here and wonder if I will fit in anywhere?
I am looking at SAVA and my ‘new’ online community. I like it much better and am feeling good about the changes in me that SAVA has triggered. I am heard and for the first time can show my strengths without fear of rejection. (Well you can try?…..lol)
A society or community is judged by how it treats its outcasts and misfits.
I will not conform anymore and neither will most that read this. I am growing into my strength and power and will not be a hypocrite and bow to the whims and wishes of the ‘normal’ majority. I will not go quietly into the night… and I will stand up to all that come knocking.
We are trying to create a community out of people that do not bend or blend easily or comfortably. We bitch; whine and fight each other tooth and nail because that is what we are used to.
So all of us get riled up over lots of different issues and as we get to know each other better we will learn each others ‘buttons’. But how do we deal with the ‘problem’ members, for this is always the test of every community. How do we deal with direct confrontation from our own that can only strike home because they may be partly right and we agree with some of what they say?
Tolerance to a point is the message so far, and I respect that. When you are told “enough” and you are not getting anywhere with your argument, fall back re-assess and follow up at a later date.
Many who disagree leave and that saddens me, for maybe over time you can sway the majority to your point of view, for we are a democracy still. Those that want to leave need to know that we are more alike than different and the word ‘no’ can mean ‘not right now’ and even ‘maybe later after further discussion’.
The art of diplomacy is coming to me late in life and it is in my nature to always try and bridge a gap where I see it. (Though these rude small-minded mundanes I am surrounded with right now, can go take an unlikely anatomical excursion up their own anal orifices.)
Time-outs and cooling off periods are advised, as are moving off the main groups into private messaging. Not taking things personally is impossible sometimes for it is very personal when you feel strongly about something and another won’t/can’t understand you. I hate being not heard, especially when my written ‘tone’ was misunderstood. The frustration is very real. We all can feel the backlash of these discussions in our emotional bodies and they sting and bubble into our lives.
As Vampyre or Other, we have to adapt to our surroundings, never conform or lose our sense of identity, but adapt. Adapt or Die is a fair expression. We are growing very fast and that tolerance I spoke of earlier is needed to bring as many that can take the ride into the future of SAVA.
A community of misfits is the hardest one to bring together, and those that are managing it need respect and back up, for it takes quite a bit of energy, passion and endless patience to hold space for us all.
Please don’t get stuck on one issue when the bigger picture is much more important, don’t run away and quit when we need you all so badly. Your voice counts even when you disagree, especially when you disagree!
Disagree, then back off then put your ideas in an article or private message and sway others to your way of thinking, be positive and remember that posting on Facebook is a scary thing for many, so be gentle.
Misfits of South Africa are a rare and precious breed I personally will not let any slip and fall behind without a fight.
(Instead of ‘So Bite Me’…… Let ME Bite You!)