My Awakenings – by Circe Arcanum

I am Circe Arcanum, a Vampyre. To start with, ‘why the obvious made-up-name?’ When I went down my ‘dayside’ Facebook friends list, two of the names in there were on the Vampyre haters and causers of mischief list. Do I want that kind of crap in my life? Welllll maybe? But perhaps not right now. I am a Witch and have traveled all over the world before settling in South Africa, why here? I don’t have a clue…it just happened. This is my Vampyre history.

I seriously got hurt by a Vampyre in England when I was growing up. I learned very early that I do not like being a victim, so I am not! I got involved in the local Temple of Lucifer….bad girl! But I was very good in all other areas, just had/still have, a fascination and draw to the darker side of things. I come from darkness, it is safe for me.

The Temple, as I can remember, was dealing in drugs, sex with young girls and odd rituals that seemed to be put together around the sex and drugs. I was sweet and innocent at 16 and the combination could have been a life altering disaster. But I could see things were not right.

There was a little shop selling crystals and tarot cards on my route to college and I used to stop off for a chat with the guy behind the counter, never got his name. I told him about the colours people leave behind them when they move, and how images appear in the colours when people feel deeply about the subject that they are talking about or even just thinking about. He gave me a name for them, Auras. (No, no LSD in those days, I would even know what that was then.) I learnt tarot reading from him too, very informally, just the basics and crystal and pranic healing and most especially magic.

I liked the drink and drugs but they fuzzed up my vision. People lie all they time, guys chatting me up at parties were/are so transparent I just started laughing (but no pointing). I found it fun but repellent and started to leave the whole party scene, without a chemical buzz it all seemed so stupid. I left and took some friends along with me and that annoyed a few of the older guys that was setting up a whole naked girly altar and orgy affair.

I remember running into him at a private birthday party and it was not a pleasant scene. He called himself a Vampyre, wearing a swirling cape and sunglasses at night, who knows he might have been a Vampyre? We used to chat about demons, vampyres, elementals and djinn. Nice enough guy but wouldn’t keep his hands to himself. He was a follower of Alistair Crowley and just filed his teeth to little points…. I had irritated him, so somewhere in our discussion he reached over and bit my neck.

I did what any sober girl does in that position, bring my knee up hard. With a follow up kick in the same place when he was on the floor calling me bitch. I left with him saying that I was infected and now Vampyre as well, and that my appetite for blood would grow until it overwhelmed me. Okkk. I, who had been a quiet and fairly mousy timid college student, was suddenly a hero. But the bite did go septic and I have a scar. I had a gang of about 6 girls, dressed to kill, and we went on the prowl every night we could. We all seemed to teach each other about sexual vamping. I could see energies and I played with them, teasing, turning on and walking away. Getting a buzz that would last for a few days then fade, when I would wade in again for the next feed. Teenage girls are not nice. I miss those days.

I studied occult magic and remember one night with a full solitary ritual going on in my bedroom at home with my mother banging on the door asking if I had any dirty washing. It could have been tragic, I thought it funny. I also had poltergeists in the house at that time. My family didn’t seem to notice, just me making a mess again.

I got a job as an Air Stewardess and got a uniform. Can you see the headlines Sex Psi Airline Vamp? I wasn’t the only Vamp up there. It can be a major feeding rush, slightly scared, excited people all crammed next to one another for hours at a stretch. Food was so easy to find. There are many stories I could tell but most are not Vampyre related.

I liked to travel and got my first car and when I had days off used to just drive find a B & B and then drive some more. I ended up in Glastonbury and from a group of women calling them selves ‘The Sisterhood’ learnt about sexual energy and how to control it. Tantric and other teachings were also covered. It was really about how NOT to vamp a guy because you can kill him. Yeah, guys will say ‘What a way to go!’ Heart Attacks and Brain Strokes are a way to go. They taught me much.

I also learned Reiki I, II & III, joined the love n’ light pagan and witchcraft bunch and moved to London. I also studied Shamanism and after a trip down the Nile studied Egyptian Magic, then Celtic and Runic. I love Runes.

Blood rituals hmmm, not sure how much I want to go into them here? I did, of course wonder whether I had been infected by the dickhead in college. I studied to understand my fascination with blood and the need to cut myself and let it run. To catch it in a cup and mix with wine and call in dark powers. Never revealing this part of myself to the wise teachers of the love n’ light. I was always the star pupil seeing very easily into the heart of what they wanted…like I had done it all before….. I cleaned a small cut of an early lover with my tongue, he freaked out and I never saw him again.

I am fairly removed from all the emotional conflicts and heartaches, I can feel them in others but can’t really find them inside me. I liked the series ‘Dexter’ in this because he had to pretend to be normal too.

I can feel your emotional ‘stuff’ and read them quite clearly but can’t find the same in me, just coldness.

I do feel deeply for my friends, family and most especially my children but there is a gap between us that I can see but can’t cross. I am filled with a sense of duty and loyalty to my tribe but don’t connect in a heart way. I don’t think I am capable of love in the truest sense of the word. I can feel that my husband loves me totally, but I can’t match that feeling at all. Nor can I get too sad about it. It just is.

People are scared of me, actual fear is there too, I thought at first I was imagining it and it was my ego but I read people too well to miss it. So I make them laugh and it is a good defense.

I fell pregnant with my first daughter and after being a vegetarian for about 10 years (blood doesn’t count) and wanted meat, but not the flesh. I was like an animal; my body mind took over and would sneak raw meat into the shopping basket and end up sucking it dry in the car before driving home. Not ‘normal’. It was the same for my second daughter. I also got carried away a few times and bit my husband; he also went septic and had a scar. The blood rush was
better than sex. Don’t bite people!

My son was five last May and when pregnant with him I tried to control my body mind, I was weak and emotional. I hate being pregnant anyway, it feels so unnatural. My energetics were all over the place. I had both male and female energies clashing, as for the first time, I was carrying a boy. I was picking fights one minute and crying my eyes out the next. Husband was a Saint! I don’t think I quite understood what I needed then; I was going to be a ‘good’ vegetarian even if it killed me! I am known for being bloody stubborn sometimes probably was bloody stupid too…

I found the online forums a little strange; I would browse the vampyre sites as well as the pagan, Satanism, temples and orders, never really getting involved. I thought most of the Vampyre ones were dungeon & dragon role playing sites. I thought that Real Vampyres were people that were sick and had deficiencies, like the zombie face eaters, or glittered and came out of someone’s imagination, like Anne Rice. I wasn’t a Vampyre.

I study everything and I got into a discussion with a Vampyre in Johannesburg about the Codex and got a bit of a shock when I started putting two and two together and making an uncomfortable four. ‘So Vampyres feed with a drop or two or at most spoonful?’ ok ‘They are not immortal?’ ok ‘There is no infection or turning?’ (phew) ok ‘Energy, Blood and Sex?’ ok ‘Awakening as a teen and can awaken again in later life?’ ok ‘There are donors out there?’ and other quite common questions and this led me to SAVA.

I am now strictly a psychic vampyre; it came so naturally to me it was scary. I needed the understanding first, then let my energy levels get so low, instinct had to kick in. I was told by love n’ light teachers that I have a very small Sacral Chakra. (What do you say to that? Errr sorry)

Learning from the Psychic Vampyre Codex that Vampyres fill their Ka to overcompensate for a small Ba. I interpret that as feeding into the Heart and channeling it down to the Sacral which is what I was taught to do with sexual energy. All my chakras can now feed; I can siphon energy into each and am becoming quite skilled at it. I am learning to feed off the ambient energy which flows off all life; it is like taking a small sip. I sort of stopped feeding off people who were annoying me. Sort off…..There are archetypical powers out there that will allow you to feed off, if you ask very nicely and the Astral Levels have a lot of wellsprings of life energies that I am exploring.

I was having a hard time with digesting real food and found the answer through a Facebook Vampyre friend in the US. Magnetic sand has the same capabilities as your kidneys and liver to ‘clean out & eliminate’ energetic food. At the end of every day I send my energies through the sand and now having a much easier time of eating and digesting physical foods. This is all still new to me, and I have heaps to still learn.

I am grateful to SAVA and its founders, for I needed help and they answered.

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About Octarine Valur

Octarine Valur - Founder: House Valur, South African Vampyre Community, South African Vampi(y)re Alliance (SAVA), SA Vampyre news (SAVN). View all posts by Octarine Valur

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